Hustle Culture is Cancelled

Well this past year and a bit has been a RIDE. So many tangents I could run away with but for now I’ll try to stay focused. With all this forced alone time, I’ve been able to reflect.. and to rest. To question what I’ve been doing and why?

What is the end goal?

You could say I’ve been doing shadow work; discovering so many things about myself that I’ve kept buried for a very long time. The overarching theme of my action being to decolonize the way I approach my life. There’s only so much I can do of course because we exist under capitalism.

But what is the furthest I can stretch these confines to live a life that I want; that brings me pleasure.

A podcast that’s been helping me on this journey is The Grind Culture Detox, hosted by Heather Archer. I’m becoming more aware of the limiting beliefs I cling to based on the fact that capitalism and hustle culture can have you feeling that everything is limited; success, resources, happiness. I’m working on noticing when my limiting beliefs have me spiralling and trying to move to more expansive thinking.

Something that’s really stuck with me from episode 2, is when guest Nakia Dillard, describes a moment she experienced at the beach. She’s standing at the edge of the water, hyperfocused on the waves that are close enough to roll in and touch her. After some time she comes to the realization that even the waves far out into the sea are making their way towards her. The ones that she cannot see, wasn’t thinking about and couldn’t even imagine.

This image has stuck with me for the past few days. The idea that just because you cannot see beyond your current situation, doesn’t mean a future doesn’t exist beyond it. I’m not sure where I’m going to ride this wave to yet, but I’m holding on…

Bruh, You’re Not Going To Be On All The Time

Things were going so well… Until they weren’t. ADULTING. This is what we wished for, wasn’t it? Real talk though if we weren’t tested, we wouldn’t grow. So I will accept you shitty times because I know what comes after…

The Pilot: How To Begin Again After Your Life Implodes

Links to stuff mentioned in this episode:

(Just click the italicized words.  You’re welcome.)

Green Zebra Kitchen Meal Delivery Service.  Use my link to get $15 off your first order.

GRASS Toronto.

Sorry I’ve Got Plants meal plan service.

Vegan peanut sauce recipe.

Sustainably Vegan‘s YouTube Channel.

Natur-a Vanilla Soy Milk

Queen Fresh Market

It was chipotle chili powder NOT chipotle seasoning!

What makes you randomly burst into tears?

Confession.  I don’t think I’ve ever found myself seemingly randomly bursting into tears as much as I have in the last few months.  I tell myself a few competing things when this happens.

…  Let it all out.  You have to be present in this moment.  Feel all the sadness.  All the frustration.  All the anger.  Let it run its course.

And also…

…  Stop playing the victim and feeling sorry for yourself.  It could be worse.  It could be so much worse but it isn’t.  Stop being a little bitch and be grateful for what you have.

True.  It could be worse, but you know what?  This is the worst for me.  And I’m not going to devalue that just because someone else is far less off.  I don’t care about anyone else (in this moment).  I don’t want to play the comparison game right now (well not ever, but yea).   I feel like moving to this ‘it could be worse’ line of thinking, prevents me from being present in this awful moment – and it’s important for me to be overrun by this awful moment in order to get past it.  Otherwise, if I ‘stop being a little bitch‘ and bury it, it will just erupt another time.  Probably in a less private moment – which I definitely don’t want.

So what’s the reason why these hurricane/volcanic/tsunami eruptions are happening now?  Still working out the details but here’s where I’m at.  I’ve never known myself more than I do at this point in my life.  I’ve never known what I wanted more than I do at this point in my life.   I’ve never had as much of the raw goods in place to make those things happen than I do right now.  It’s the patience that I don’t have.

The patience to wait for those things to align.  It’s the controlling, dominant Leo in me that just wants to make this shit happen like I do with most things, only this thing…  This thing doesn’t quite work that way.  So I’m feeling this…

‘if you want to make the universe laugh, tell it your plans’ thing hard.

And giving myself over to the universe?  It’s some even harder shit.

How to not care what people think

Working my way through How to Get Sh*t Done by Erin Falconer and definitely diggin’ this book so far (see summary of chapter 1 exercise here).  In chapter 3, Erin brings up some simple and important questions that make you realize how fucked up it is that we allow the opinion of others, well the thought of the opinion of others to paralyze us from doing the things that are important to us.

The exercise goes like this:

Name a time when you haven't acted on something because you were afraid of what people might think.

How did you feel giving up on that idea?

Name a time when you did act on something regardless of or in the face of scrutiny?

How did it turn out?

How did you feel accomplishing it?

Whose judgement do you look to most often?

Name a time when you had to make a big presentation or announcement and you were more focused on how you looked or what people would think instead of focused on the actual presentation?

What did that do to your confidence?

Are you able to remain calm, focused and objective when difficult situations arise at work or at home?

Does your mind race to find fault with yourself?

Like I said.  Simple questions but your answers… Enlightening.  Obviously it doesn’t mean that I’ll always be able to move forward with what I want…

That I’ll ignore that nagging, scraping feeling in my stomach that is the fear of ‘what people will say’.

But it definitely puts into perspective the reality of the so called ‘consequences’ that I think will happen if I do something that THEY don’t agree with…

The truth is when I think about the top three major, life-changing decisions I’ve made so far, the ones that were subjected to the most negative vibes from the nay-sayers…  They are the top three best decisions that I’ve ever made for myself.  And what happened to those low vibe peeps?  They shut up real quick when I did it anyway.

How do I discover my life purpose?

Lately I’ve found myself in a position to reevaluate some of my goals – I mean some of my serious life goals.  I discovered that as sure as I was about those goals at the time, they were founded on the person I was at that time.  Of course I’m still me, but I’ve evolved and will continue to evolve.  So yah, my goals should too.

Then I started listening to a new book; How to Get Sh*t Done by Erin Falconer.  In the first chapter I realized something else…  I couldn’t answer simply:  WHY do I want to achieve these goals? – I’m not talking about an answer that fits with what is expected of me.

I’m talking about an answer that has meaning – to me.

Because in the very first chapter, Erin comes at you with some straight fire questions.  She asks you to take your time answering them, leave them for a bit and review them later.  If nothing else they get you thinking about what you really want & need, what you’re capable of and how that compares to what you’re doing now.

Erin asks:

• If money were no object, how would you spend your time?
• What makes you feel proud?
• What makes you want to go back to bed?
• What makes you feel jealous?
• What motivates you?
• What makes you want to quit?
• Do your crave solitude or company at the end of the day?
• What makes you feel envious?
• What makes you feel awesome?
• How did your family life shape you?
• Describe yourself in just three words.
• When do you feel the healthiest?
• How often do you compare yourself with others?
• When do you feel the most creative?
• Whom do you have to please?
• What drains you?
• Would you rather lead or follow?
• What is your best trait?
• What is your worst trait?
• Do you crave routine or novelty?
• What makes you happy?
• What makes you unhappy?
• Where are the roadblocks, detours and open roads for you?
• Where do things lie for you at the moment?

Don’t have time?  Pick three of the above and answer them like no one’s watching.  Now how do your answers compare to what’s going on in your real life right now?