A single lady's guide to surviving the apocalypse, finding joy in the present and learning to prioritize rest.
As is the cycle of life, everything is always going great; until it isn’t. This episode starts off real low but that always feels like the best time to start something new – like my first ever real life podcast :). Expect to hear some hope after a massive fail, thoughts on a new vegan meal delivery service and some ideas on how to be a little less wasteful.
Links to stuff mentioned in this episode: https://jjgotthis.com/2019/12/02/how_to_begin_again_after_life_implodes/
(Just click the italicized words. You’re welcome.)
Green Zebra Kitchen Meal Delivery Service. Use my link to get $15 off your first order.
Sorry I’ve Got Plants meal plan service.
Vegan peanut sauce recipe.
Sustainably Vegan‘s YouTube Channel.
It was chipotle chili powder NOT chipotle seasoning!
All things weekly wrap up. Like why I’m soaking in a pink Himalayan salt bath, binge watching YouTube videos about Parisian beauty and my little social experiment to help me be more comfortable talking to attractive strangers.
Also.. dude I spend too much time on Instagram and YouTube.
Also also… Had to include a fall time pic of Gannicus from this weekend because Halloweeson is our favourite.
I don’t know why I say rose gold crystal at 5:05, it’s rose quartz.
For the videos I mentioned at 5:49 just search ‘Caroline De Maigret‘ on YouTube.
The book mentioned at 6:40 is How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are: Love, Style, and Bad Habits. I read the book a long time ago but listened to the audio book more recently. LOVE.
Jay Shetty’s Instagram mentioned at 8:10.
I’ve been trying to get into a regular weekly planning routine since my birthday in August…. And failing miserably. Basically I block off a section of time on Friday evening where I’m supposed to focus only on reviewing the previous week’s tasks and set intentions for the following week. Only every Friday when it pops up in my Google calendar, I feel like,
Naw man… I’m too tired to deal with this right now.
I swipe off the notification and go through with the motions of my weekend and week. Getting stuff done, yah, but I feel like a zombie walking through my life. Crossing off to dos without any feeling or attachment to them.
Then this week I come across Kalyn’s video (love you long time Kalyn!) and boom – EXCITEMENT. I may not be motivated to do ‘Weekly Planning’ but a witchy night of spell casting??? THIS, i’m into. I set the intention to set intentions and I feel like a new Friday night ritual was born last night. Here’s the low down on my manifesting & spell casting night:
Almost every night I have something to do whether it’s for my contract job, the side hustle or general life admin things like grocery shopping. All week I reminded myself that on Friday I would be having my spell casting night. This meant that consciously I divided any other work I needed to do over the other weekday evenings and subconsciously, I made sure I kept enough energy in the reserve to not want to veg out on the couch when I got home on Friday evening. I also picked up a new note book to serve as my Grimoire and these cute Halloweeson mugs to use as candle holders from Dollarama.
Trying to stay on brand here with the title. I wanted an out of the ordinary dinner since it’s Friday and also since it’s about to be a magickal night. Plus it needed to be quick to prepare so I could take my time with the ritual. I picked up some taquitos from Good Rebel and had them with salsa and homemade guac. The elixir is lemon water because a witch has gotta stay hydrated.
I got CLEAN. Physically — I showered, washed my hair, washed my face, did a charcoal/bentonite clay/apple cider vinegar face mask. Mentally — I put my headphones on and meditated for 10 minutes. No point in going into a ritual to set intentions for the future without first releasing the bad juju from the past.
I lit my candles, set out some crystals and made a beet root latte. I did a three card draw tarot reading to refocus and open up; asking the universe to send me a message regarding: life, love and my career. I stewed on what those cards meant to me for a few minutes.
After reading the Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte (see my previous post), I’ve already gotten clear on how I want to feel every day (or most days) in my life. If you haven’t read this book I definitely suggest that you do (or listen to it). It centres around the concept that our ideas regarding goal achievement as a path to happiness can be counterintuitive. That happiness is subjective and is about how we want to feel, more so than what we have achieved.
We use the achievement as the stepping stone to the feeling that we associate with happiness, instead of cutting out the middle guy and going directly to the feeling.
You know, like eating the cow to get to the veggies as opposed to just eating the veggies (#sorryNOTsorry #veganAF). As a born and bread overachiever, it’s really opened my mind in regards to what it means to be truly happy.
When I asked myself how I wanted to feel, I narrowed it down to three feelings: Unrestricted, aroused and divinely feminine. In my newly purchased notebook/grimoire I wrote down each of those feelings. Under each feeling I wrote the things that have and have not been making me feel that way over the past week. Then I listed what I can do to reduce the things that don’t make me feel them and increase the ones that do. Last, so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed, I pick one thing for each feeling that I would encorporate into this week. Boom. Intentions set.
If this process sounds too corny or woo-woo for you, I’m not mad at you. Do you, boo boo. It’s also pretty on brand for Halloweeson but I’m into witchy things all days of the year. One of my super powers is that I’m really fucking good at shutting everything out and getting through the driest, most mundane projects. But as me and my higher self get closer, I’m finding that its not as easy for me to do things that I’m not passionate about. Turning this life admin task of weekly planning into something witchy really lit me up, aroused me. It became something I wanted to do rather than something I had to do. I feel like there are other applications to this concept that I have yet to discover…
Taking you through some of the revelations that have come to me over this Halloweeson long weekend.
Spoiler alert: I drink too much coffee and I eat too much sweets… Fack. I said what I said.
Working past my usual bed time coupled with Toronto’s indecisive fall weather has been fucking with me hard. I’m operating at sub-optimal efficiency but I know it’s temporary – I’ll deal. I’ve learned a bit in my 35 years on this planet, so I knew that my rough week could be attributed to the lack of sleep, but I also started to question – How did I start the day when I can honestly say…
Today was a straight fire, the stars have aligned and the universe is showing me all it has to offer kind of day?
SLEEP. Everyone’s different. I need 6-7 for optimal functioning.
GET CENTERED. This definitely involves coffee or at least hot chocolate if I’m in the dire situation that is being out of coffee (which happened to me this week). My hot drink is paired with either a guided mediation, thinking about my top three desires (READ: The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte), a tarot reading or just sitting in silence for about 5-10 minutes. I usually do this in bed or sometimes out on the balcony but always sitting up rather than lying down so I don’t fall back asleep. I find the best time is before 7am because it’s important that the rest of the world around me -the hallway, elevators, the neighbourhood- be silent/asleep. I want to savour the calm before the storm.
MOVEMENT. It could be lifting. Yoga or stretching. Most recently hoop dancing (yup, we’re exploring over here). At least 15 minutes of some kind of physical activity gets me warm, awake and feeling sexy. Yes, I said sexy. When I can say that I’m so attracted to myself that I want to touch myself, I can smile and I know it’s gonna be a good day. So I try to get those vibes going early and often.
MUSIC. I’m always listening to music during the movement portion of my morning ritual but I build on that hype by keeping the music going on my bluetooth speaker or headphones while I brush my teeth, wash my face, get my hair did and finish getting ready for the day.
That’s the password to my smiling-to-myself-all-day kind of day. Not that it guarantees me a good day or anything. It’s like lube – preparation in the hopes of a good time but the rest is up to how you decide to response to the stimuli. If I skip some of the keys there’s less lube to handle the friction and if I skip all of them… Well you know how sex feels when the cookie’s not ready.
Think about your best day this week? What were the keys that made it happen and how can you make them a part of your daily ritual?
…Or get over a break up. Or a loss. Or just get up off your ass if you’ve been sitting on it for too long.
You will notice a common theme with the items on this list and that is change. Life can get stale but that’s the nature of life. Lots of the same things day in, day out – neutral experiences, sprinkled with positive ones. Sparks, fireworks, orgasms (not just sexual ones). We need those sparks to be interspersed with the mundane because it makes them that much more enjoyable. Makes it easier to be grateful for them.
If you’re in a rut you’ve probably been on auto-pilot for a while and could use some arousing little speed bumps thrown in your path to trip you up – in the best way possible. Wake you up. Get you wet and excited about your life again. Here’s the list of speed bumps that work for me:
ONE: Switch up your workout routine. I usually do this every couple weeks or so but if I’m feeling particularly bored with life, it’s one of the first things I modify.
TWO: Reorganize your life. This doesn’t have to be a complete overhaul. I lean towards changing the way I plan my time. Switch from paper to electronic or visa versa. Refresh my morning + night routines and update my Google calendar. If the seasons are changing, I might clean out my closet, kitchen cupboards, fridge etc. Don’t get overwhelmed; just pick one.
THREE: Update your playlist. I’m usually listening to the same Spotify playlist in the car, playing in the background at home and to workout for at least a few weeks. I’m constantly updating it with new songs that I like BUT when I’m in a funk I’ll delete the list and start over from scratch. Sometimes changing the genre altogether. My usual playlist is a mix of Hip Hop, R&B and Pop. I’ve switched to one with strictly my favourite Drake songs. My Drake mood is simultaneously hype, calm and gets me on my grind. I’ll thank him later.
FOUR: Go somewhere you haven’t been before. I don’t mean like go away on a vacation (although if you’ve got the funds, do your thing). Just go somewhere different within your city. Try that new restaurant/cafe you’ve been meaning to go to. Try a different grocery store or go to a farmer’s market if you usually go to the grocery store. I went to a different park to walk Gannicus one morning. Being so close to the lakeshore has made me lazy with driving to different parks like we used to, so we drove 15 minutes east to walk some trails on a different part of the lake.
FIVE: Change your hair. In movies, after a break up the woman always gets a new hair cut or colour. The change is fresh start. I loved my blonde and I’ve been loving it as it’s growing out – then I got bored. So I added some pink to the ends. Lots of compliments. Love it.
SIX: Learn something new. A new language, a new skill, a new activity or sport. I downloaded Duolingo. No idea if I’m actually going to be able to speak Norwegian, but I’m planning a solo trip to Norway, so that should be motivating.
SEVEN: Buy yourself some time or peace of mind. I send Gannicus to day care once a week and it gives me peace of mind to know that he’s having fun with other dogs rather than being lonely at home. Plus it means I can run errands after work without feeling like I have to rush home to him. I’ve also been using a meal delivery service called Green Zebra Kitchen. You’d have to do your own math on the cost vs time savings but for me it’s well worth it. I don’t spend time thinking of what to make, grocery shopping or cooking and knowing that I have delicious and clean food to eat at home means I’m way less tempted to eat out.
EIGHT: Look up. We’re so busy going about our day that we don’t look at the world around us. I’m more intro than extrovert and I don’t like people, so I’m definitely not good at this but I have been trying to do it more at least when I’m walking Gannicus. The other day this cute construction worker used his sign to stop traffic for me while I was trying to cross the street. Maybe he thought I was cute, maybe he was just being nice. I’m going with the former because it makes me feel better but if I wasn’t looking up and didn’t catch his eye and smile at him, I would have missed the opportunity for that good feeling.
NINE: Buy yourself a little something. Emphasis on little. If a new halloween mug to have your coffee in makes you smile in the morning, do it up. If a new t-shirt brings you joy – grab it. Note whatever you get just needs to be new to you, so see Value Village, have your friend gift you a scarf she doesn’t want anymore, whatever works.
TEN: Protect your energy. This is everywhere but just in case you need to see it again, it is more than okay to say NO. If someone asks you to do something and you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. Your energy is precious and especially when you are in a funk, it’s even more important to keep good vibes around you and avoid bad ones. It’s more than okay to do what’s best for you.
What are some of your tricks to get out of a funk? I can always use new funk hacks.
This is certainly NOT sponsored but if you’re in the delivery area in the GTA and want to try Green Zebra Kitchen, you can get $15 off your first order with this link.
I was really excited to get into this long weekend. Might of been because I’ve had to work the Monday of the last how many long weekends. The idea of not having to drive in to work for the next three days brought a special kind of pleasure I haven’t felt in a while.
But that’s pretty much where it ends. I’ve been fresh out of motivation for the last couple weeks. Sure, I’ve had little bursts of momo where I’m like,
Fuck ya, let’s go hard. I’m ready… But then I’ll run out of steam real quick.
I’m trying to figure out why this is happening to me because yes, I always need to know WHY, but also because I’m hoping if I can find out the root, I can move on.
I think my body is telling me something and I think that something is that I’m burnt the fuck out. The last few months have been exhausting. More so mentally and emotionally exhausting than anything else. The stress and anxiety of looking for an apartment plus the change in available hours at work just before that was a LOT. I went from running on high anxiety mode all the time, immediately into hustle mode to catch up after finding a place, moving and settling in. It’s a lot of change and change is draining; even if it’s for the better.
Shortly after moving in and getting mostly settled, my next project was to get back to my routine.
I wanted my fitness, my eating, my waking up at the crack of dawn all realigned immediately.
I guess I was thinking, okay, you’re not homeless, you’ve got everything you could have imagined and more in an apartment and now it’s time to utilize all those things you knew you needed to level up your lady boss status. Spoiler alert: NOTHING is realigned.
There was no real rest. I read this article about sleep that said when you go for an extended period of time without enough sleep your body needs to regain all those lost hours to get back to optimal functioning. So whether that means you sleep an entire day straight or an extra couple hours each day until you catch up, you’ve gotta make it up somewhere. I think that applies to other forms of self care too. If you were eating shitty for a few days, it takes at least double of eating healthy to make up for it. If you haven’t done any self care (whatever that means for you); you need to intensify whatever the usual caring for yourself entails.
So yeah. I think my body is telling me to slow my fucking roll. My mind is cloudy, my limbs are mush and I have no motivation to do anything, at all, ever. So what are we going to do? I have no idea if this is the right thing or if it will work at all – all I know is I need to do something.
What has my long weekend of realignment entailed? Friday after work I did absolutely nothing productive. Usually I would do at least some work for Spark & Fire Co. or my contract gig but I got home, took Gannicus for a walk, ate dinner and we finished watching Homecoming on Amazon Prime. Saturday I avoided my usual schedule and went to the Farmer’s Market in the morning. I spent the rest of the day reading, online ‘window’ shopping and making lists of future purchases so I can budget them out.
Today I had a bit more energy but still no motivation. I forced myself to do work because I knew I had to. I spent a few hours on contract work but most of the day was spent creating a new morning & evening routine and switching from handwritten task lists in m notebook to electronic ones on Google Keep.
Refreshing the way I organize my life is always a staple ingredient in getting myself back on track. I get bored with organizing things one way and so changing it up helps me get excited about doing shit. I know it sounds hella corny, but this is my logic:
If the act of planning the thing I’m supposed to do is *new*, then I’ll be more motivated to plan it and it should follow, more motivated to actually do it.
I’ll share how I’m currently organizing my time in a future post but it’s almost my bedtime. I’m determined to catch up on sleep and lift this cloudy haze. Fall is coming along with Halloweeson. I want to make sure I’m ready to absorb all the sweater weather, the pumpkin spice everything and the fresh season vibes.
There’s a good reason why I’ve been MIA for a minute. Last episode, I was on the verge of a breakdown for fear of being homeless. Rest assured I DID find an apartment.
It was a serious hail mary, clutch scenario.
The owners of the unit agreed to meet me the day before the lease would start and we came to an agreement. I was so happy, relieved, excited… mostly relieved that I started crying. I hugged them. Seriously they are such a sweet couple and I’m so grateful that the universe/me combined powers for us to cross paths because I could not have imagined a better living situation than where Gannicus and I are now.
It continues to surprise me with new things to make me smile as time goes on. Also… Though I haven’t had the time or energy to spare yet, LOTS of cute dudes here. I’ll share more about my apartment, neighbourhood, explorations later – the point of this post is to share some of the things I’ve learned through this previously stressful and anxiety loaded time when I was searching for an apartment in Toronto as a single lady.
While it may feel like the universe is committed to giving you nothing but a big bag full of small dicks during this time – stay strong. Yes, you need to yell and cry it out BUT remember that you STILL need to find a place to live. The more time and energy you spend on wallowing means less time and energy to find your home. So cut that shit out. Now.
I was lucky enough to find my previous apartment quickly and on my own. That set me up for unrealistic expectations when searching for my new space but we’ll get to that in the next point. I started looking on all the usual sites (Kijiji, Craigslist, Realtor.ca/MLS etc.) and then enlisted the help of an agent.
The first agent I worked with, while I know meant well, crushed my dreams and made me feel like I would not get an apartment without a roommate/partner to share the financial burden of rent (note my previous post for more details). Broken, I continued to search the sites on my own and ended up responding to an ad that had been listed by an agent. While the apartment in the ad had just rented, he let me know that he was willing to help me find another. I explained to him my current financial situation and my previous three rejections on the other apartments.
He let me know that at the end of the day, ‘any deal can close‘
and that he would do his best to help me. I trusted him and it was well worth it. He went back and forth with the listing agent of my new apartment for days and eventually convinced him to have me meet the homeowners. I think I lost those other apartments so I could cross paths with this agent and be where I am now. I would and do recommend him to anyone looking for a place in Toronto/GTA – drop me a message if you would like his contact info.
I’ve also drank the Kool-aid; you can have everything you want. The words between those lines?
‘There is always a trade off’.
My must haves: lots of natural light, an outdoor space, parking, private laundry. The trade off is, I’m just outside the downtown core – but that’s something I was perfectly happy to give up. Before I was able to walk to work in 10 mins, now I drive 10-15 minutes depending on traffic.
Like I said, I walked into this apartment search with the expectation that it would be as cut and dry as finding my first solo apartment. My agent and I had a serious conversation about what it would take to close this lease. To show good faith I agreed to provide four months rent upfront… Now pick your mouth up off the floor. I know this is not sustainable for everyone, fuck this was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make but in the end I knew this was the best decision for me. You need to make the best decision for you (not your mom, not your best friend, not your significant other). I live my life with no regrets. For this balcony, for all of these windows and to be this close to the water (and everything else I will share later) – yeah man, I’m cool with it.
Once it’s all done and you find your space, enjoy it. Take it all in and smile to yourself. Savour the pleasure of knowing that all the shit that just went down is what brought you here. Home.
I can’t even remember the last time I felt naive. I don’t know.. Maybe like when I was 17, kissing a dude for the first time and I thought my face was being eaten off. That feeling came back to me this week… Felt even worse and more gross than that experience if you can even imagine that.
Here’s how I ran into the brick wall. I was thinking that seeing as I have a real good handle on my finances. Since I always pay on time or early – in the case of rent paying 1-2 weeks early most months. Since the bank will give me, well I’m not going to say how many tens of thousands of dollars in lines or credit and credit cards, because I think that’s one of the security questions the banks asks me… But basically its a ridiculous amount of money that I would never use and they’re also periodically letting me know that they can raise the maximum limits despite the fact that I always refuse. Even though I work full-time and make more than enough money to live and cover rent and have no car payment because I drive a 10-year-old and still in good condition car since I hardly drive it now. Even though I have no school debt repayment because I paid my first degree off within the three years post-grad and paid for my second degree while concurrently working full-time. Even though my credit rating is higher than 75% of Canadians… Even though all that shit. This city. The city that is my home. The city that I love. The 6ix. Toronto. Is giving me a big fuck you.
Toronto is telling me,
No, JJ. You cannot be a single, independent woman, who supports herself.
Why? Because in order to get a new apartment, you need to bring in an income that is THREE times the rent. THREE MOTHER FUCKING TIMES THE RENT. Is this for real? Yes, it is for real. Be still my silly naive heart. You cannot do this on your own, Toronto/The Universe is telling me. Oh, what? You thought you we’re good? Slow down little lady. You need yourself a man.
I know I’m being somewhat dramatic. I could find a roommate. But that’s not the point. Remember all the fucking things I just listed that make me a good tenant? Why is that not enough for you? You want to remind a single female that if she doesn’t have a man, that’s cool but then she’s gonna need another female to help her??? She can’t do it on her own. So if a D isn’t a priority to her than call a friend.
Let me fucking tell you something.
There is only one thing I really need a dick for.
And even then I’ve got more than enough toys that I can manage with. You’re going to say it’s hard for a dude too. Okay true. But dudes are also getting paid a hell of a lot more to do not even half of what I do. I know this. I mother fucking know this, so don’t test me.
Don’t worry about me though. As fuming as I am this won’t break me. You can’t break me. I don’t know how I’m going to make this happen just yet, I just know that I will. You keep pushing me I’m going to run you the fuck over. Come get me.
I’ve recently come to some clear conclusions about what makes me happy. This lead me to another decision to upgrade my living space, which is on a serious time clock because my current lease ends on August 31st. So here I am, looking at apartments for the last couple weeks, not finding anything that really feels like HOME. Sure there were a number of places that felt like, ‘this will do’, but I’m not looking for this will do.
I’m looking for ‘this is it’.
And then Monday, I’m obsessively scrolling through listings like I have a lot of nights, and I find IT. Thought to myself, you will never get this though, move on. I went to bed. But I lay in bed, imagining it, imagining what it would be like to live there, to create there, imagining how many next steps would open up for me (or that I could open up for myself) just from existing there. I jumped out of bed and emailed my agent that I wanted to see it. Only then could I finally fall asleep.
So I went to view this place yesterday and no lie, this is THE ONE. I won’t get into the details, but yeah, it’s it. I put in an application last night and after all of the hype died down what I’m left with is, ‘there’s a good chance you may not get this‘. I feel like I need it and I’ve obsessed over it and now reality has set in, that it may not be mine.
I slept horribly last night. Woke up almost every hour and had a shit ton of weird fucking dreams which I’m sure are the manifestation of the anxieties that I’ve kept buried deep over that last little while. Of course coming to life in my dreams in the most epic, exaggeration of my worst fear of how those anxieties would play out in waking life. Short story, I feel fucking awful this morning. I’m tired and feeling shitty. I have to go to work and be happy while I’m tied up in anxious knots about waiting for an answer that I KNOW will be no. Angel JJ is like, stop that shit (yah, she still swears, she’s just positive about it). She reminds me of that thing I read last week that said something like,
Worrying is like having the false belief that you can predict the future.
She also reminds me that the universe has my back, and maybe this apartment just isn’t the one being sent for me. But I still feel awful. Devil JJ is in my belly, putting all kinds of fucking anxiety hot peppers in my gut. Not just saying that I won’t get this apartment, but that I won’t get one at all. She’s like, you’re going to be homeless.
I think about other times I’ve felt this way in the past. When things seemed real fucking dark. When I thought I wasn’t going to get something that I wanted or when it seemed so far away. I think about when I was looking for apartments previously with a partner and we didn’t get accepted. I think about when I was studying Kinesiology but really wanted to study design. I think about when I finished design school and was looking for a job but couldn’t remotely find one in the field. I think about when I had a 15K mountain of debt to pay back and didn’t know how I would get through it. I think about when I was so depressed at my previous job and didn’t see an out in sight. I think about when I was trying to lose the 45lbs I had gained and things just seemed to be moving in slow motion. I think about when I was drowning in anxiety and unhappiness living with my family and didn’t think I would ever be able to get an apartment on my own.
I remember that as hard and scary and awful and impossible those things seemed at the time, eventually I got passed them. They were resolved in some way and sometimes in a way I didn’t see coming. But they all worked out, eventually. So I’d like to remember those things and convince myself that this will work out even though it’s really fucking hard to do that right now. And I guess we’ll just see what happens.
JJ GOT THIS 
You must be logged in to post a comment.